I’d wonder,how much in love one needs to be to find moon, stars, sun, sky&the infinity in someone’s eyes. How much it takes to fall for just a smile and rewinding it over and again, like a beautiful melody lifting you a bit higher. How much would it be to fall and fall deeper when love goes away, far from where you’d come with all the mischiefs, mistakes, ecstasies & imminent pain. How much do i need to love, from which corner of my heart i musn’t let you go.
I sound luddite ain’t i? In an era of breakups & hookups,that old love seems to exist only in gazzals and myriad poetries, that mellifluous Zephyr,the playing with hair, leaves dancing in some joy, flowers smiling like never before, mountains turning greener, a relief of sigh from the clouds, the whirlpool of emotions soothing every beat of heart, rainbows turning into nothingness as colours would seem to be coming from some persona!
Love! Simple as this, this doesn’t happen now though, it was all for you only. When you left and found that old love, i wasn’t broken nor shattered not even disdained but destitute, i felt as some shelter of faith in heavenly bliss was no more for ephemeral, but then i found love again, this time not in someone else but deep within me, you helped me to unveil it, when my hands go sweating in some trepidation but when you held them, it felt like pearls in your hand, i never had those mood swings making you love me more but when i was calm & composed you’d cajole me to admire myself the way i relished nature.
After all this process of constant learning of myself and knowing the best parts with which you fell in love, i too loved them. In loving you, i loved me more. So how could i let you go or rather the love go, you are happy & i have always been. You wouldn’t be the same if i come across,but for me you’d be the same poem i read and write,sometimes filled with silence of night, sometimes just the never ending toil to let things go. But you’d reside just there. It wasn’t your fault,it wasn’t your comeuppance, it was the love you’d find truest that you chose, i find my own love!!
so i find my own love and you stayed, i would lie if i say you have been the only one, i met people, went around but that metaphorical love stays with you only! So how could i let you go?
To let you go, i’d take a pill to find sleep & waking up crying till the sleep came so did the pill. To let you go, that magical drink came & took me over, to a wonderland of haze& dreams, where one could be whatever she wanted, the wonderland of making people interesting,the wonderland of no reality but the universe of imagination. Sometimes those rings,puffy air let me breathe,the breathe i so much yearned for, to let you stay now they are still here.
In plethora of ways ,you tried to leave but i made you stay, physically you have never been there, but it’s rather metaphorical,sometimes in demons, nights, emptiness, sunsets&you. They read you, even fall in love with you, without even realising who were you, so i make you immaculate as fire reflecting in water, its burning to hell but the radiance on water is rather ethereal so have been you!
I say and will say ‘Love makes you love everything but love with some heavenly bliss makes you love yourself much more than you ever did’
After we went all through that i loved me more& still do!!!
So the theory of love i have but the experiments are always new, till then you do time travel!
*** Falling in love with a time traveler!!!