Either poets romanticise the extreme ecstasy of being in love or the absolute agony of a loss, but how would i romanticise some years that passed, engulfed in an inevitable loss or the quagmire yet to approach,if the business is to continue as usual!
Being a day scholar one doesn’t always get to live much life, the usual hustle& bustle over reserving the last bus& constant toil over boarding the bus by occupying a seat, a reminder to ourselves that now you not just need to but you have to sleep, if you want to wake up the next morning.so days repeat like some loop following a code, detecting errors yet not rectifying them, same as when my windows defender warns me of invasion of malicious trojans but doesn’t do any help in securing the smooth run in foreseeable future, but if i give a thought enough, i know, i & i alone ought to be blamed for not updating the antivirus with the requirements of the changing times.
So, in such a hullabaloo of waking up& sleeping ,somewhere i didn’t update a system of mine in some four straight years. College life happened in an unprecedented way, i hadn’t any idea of the idea of getting to know people from different backgrounds,social settings, i was a naive in this dealing with people,especially those who’d put their interest first but by making someone bereft of those much needed moments. I didn’t know, which corners of mine could accommodate the ‘ solidarity march’ with one’s own self that i chose to keep truest to my heart later on. I didn’t know how much of a chicanery masqueraded in a lachrymose was there to disguise me apparently for a nefarious togetherness, human is a political animal Aristotle stated aptly, we find our ways in a casual coercion or sometimes a promising coaxing to make everything available in our service intentionally or unintentionally, we the masters know how to strive to be the masters of not our own selves but our ilk. I am muddling with words,ain’t I? But when one writes, she desires a freedom, if i were to organise my thoughts to do justice to what i feel inside, this isn’t going to help me ameliorate myself, I struggle with a bleakness to let things out which torture me with a condition that nobody really gets to know what does it mean exactly? Every time my metaphors save me.
The biggest one was the college, my friends & I neglected it so much, swiftly moving away from studies& other ‘ cool stuff’ our counterparts were busy with. To my experience,from college we don’t gain much in terms of knowledge or experience of ‘ professionalism’ or any other claim that is made by the educational institutions in general, it’s dressing sense or sense of not to trust easily or both grow with 1st to 3rd year , in 4th year one suddenly becomes an ascetic, well it happens with normal people, scholars don’t come to my consideration! In JNGEC, the second thing i like about is it’s being a mirror( first& most loved one is, it’s named after Nehru😅), it’s a mirror so immaculate, telling you why you came here& what were you likely to become after stepping out? We didn’t look in the mirror though! Those who saw it&updated their antivirus, are now doing okay all by fair means!
In JNGEC you learn almost everything,from loving leisure to strongly hating teachers, to knowing you’re drowning haplessly, to dealing with morons, to seeing incompetent ones being the apple of the eyes of bigger morons, but that ‘H’ in ‘Engineering’ stands for knowledge, except engineering we do learn things we shouldn’t do, one is doubting ourselves!
But in engineering,either you get struck in the vicious cycles of ‘ supplementaries’,”sappli” colloquially we say! Or you find escape in 5th dimension which takes you to the wonderland, where nothing makes sense but that ‘ sense’ itself doesn’t make sense, everything turns out to be interesting , just some galloping & puffing, i assure you the toxic carcinogenic air becomes a way of living😍(Ps: such stunts ought to be performed under expert’s supervision, please don’t try at home, our indian parents are still not so cool about this)
It’s trite if i talk of all year wise, i have lived that part and i don’t regret anything,all i think is i could’ve turned out as a better person, but if you know that you’ve fallen and are to hold yourself accountable,you are on a right track!
I sound too pejorative,so i must end this with a happier note, i stuttered, stumbled,fumbled & accepted,it is not mediocrity it’s neutrality,now all depends with the course of life, i choose ahead ,i see a bright light even when i have grown addicted to darkness.
Years pass& more years pass& then more but making every moment count is what we can aim for, sometimes with a grim picture painted with disappointments,sometimes mediocrity, sometimes serendipity& one day complete stillness.
I don’t wanna be still yet so do you?